Babe

I miss you alot and i am so sorry that we have been butting heads since you have been gone. I have been doing my best to stay calm and have been trying to keep a smile on my face. With you gone it has been both good and bad but mostly bad because i am walking on eggshells worring about your heart and lungs. Waking up witbout you blowing my cell up, having tuns of missed calls, voice mail messages from you and it sucks alot. We have all had our bad and good days but that has never changed how we are with each other.

I

                  Am a adoptee
                  Am blogger
                Am song writer
                  Am pro life
                  Am bisexual
                Have a disorder
         Have a past just like you
   Have problems with my weight
     Have problems with my anger
    Have problems with my sight
    Have problems with patients
           Am very strong willed
       Am one to not back down
   Am one to protect what is mine
          Am not one to take bs
          Am a bulletproof vest  
Am not one to be used by anyone
                  Am unique
  Am the same as everyone else
                 Am biracial
         Am a amazing person
          Am a priceless sight
           Am a sinner just like you

Priceless

http://pricelessbutterfly.tumblr.com/post/106036174716/priceless-love

3am

I am sitting here cry because  an amazing person was taken from me  in September and I wish that she wasn't.  We had had our problems and we have spent the last couple of months fighting but that doesn't change the fact that I love her and am praying she gets out before it's to late. September. Wasn't a good month for either of us she was rushed to the hospital by ambulance because her lungs and heart were falling she was literally was hanging on by a thread and she fought to stay here with everything she had.  She was in the hospital a second time and she she was lucky that she was already at the hospital in the waiting area up front waiting for me and when i got to her i saw that she was pail and we walked from the front of the hospital all the way to the E.R and her lungs were  spasming the off and on and then before she was released the doctor told her that her heart was in largest. Its because of her parents and children that she is still here and being her self which is good. Her parents drove down to be here for her court date and left empty handed which was not the plan at all they were suppose to leave maryland with her but instead we sat there while the cuffed her right in front of us and dragged her in the back. Her parents weren't happy at all and on top of that the judge didn't even salute her United States Navy Seal father which is disrespectful. Since she has been behind bars we have been fighting and I have been just trying to wrap my head around all of this and trying to live my life which hasn't been easy. She literally doesn't know how special she is and how her touch changes everything. Even though we are fighting i am still extremely in love with her. I am awake listening to her favorite country singer Brantley Gilbert and thinking about her and praying that the judge sets her free. Priceless love, heart, smile, person, daughter and mother. I am still waiting to see her walk threw that door way a free person and hell i will over joyed if he replaces her jail time with 10 years probation.  

Anyone but me

Kiss all over the body of
cuddle up all tight with
leave hickies all over the body of 

smell the perfume sent of 

wake up in the arms of
wake up to kisses by
put a ring on the finger of 

at the front of the church waiting for
make the heart race of 

put butterflies in the stomach of
pledge your love to 

set fireworks off with

be on cloud nine with
anyone but me

Because I am Taken

100%

A lot of people really don't understand what true love is and a lot of people are so blinded to what is right in front of their faces. Ever since I have come out gay people keep on telling me that what me and my girlfriend share isn't real and I am here to set the record straight and call bullshit on everything and make it very clear that it is 100% real in every way.

Our life

We have all had to face challenges in our life and we all have had to watch people that we love pass away. We all have had to stop things that we enjoy and we all have all had to stop seeing someone that we loved deeply. Threw it all we have survived and have come back on top with amazing strength. God allowed all of these things for a reason and that is to make us stronger in every way.

Your view

What do you see when you look at the drawling? What story is told threw this drawling? Does this drawling hit home when it comes to your life? Do you see something beautiful? Do you see pain? We all see a different story and we all are touched in a different way.

Bipolar 1 Disorder

Depression
Mania
No eating
No sleeping
Non medical compliant
Anger
Dark days
Suicidal
Cutting
Burning
Isolated
High as a kit
Worthless
A demon A alien
Blood shedding
Helpless
Hopelessness
Worthless Meds
Therapist
A curse
Hospital clothes
The blue room
Sleepy
Ignorance
Hated
The devils child
Mood stabler
Ect

1#Successes,2#Hope,3#Dreams

1#Enjoying My life
My drawings
My poems
My songs
My YouTube videos
Me getting up this morning
Medical compliance
Treatment compliance
Sharing My story
My 30 songs

2# That My family fully understand That they will acceptance

3#Becoming a singer
Becoming a publisher
Getting My bounty hunting license To become a public speaker

Acceptance

Is hard Is painful
Is just a lot of work
Is easy
You will never
Is a process Nami
Proper meds
Families Is not
My mom Is
My mom did
Blinders off
Friends weirdos
Friends supporters
Why am I like this
The label
The way people look at me
Denial
A challenge
A good therapist
The ups
The downs
That hug
That shoulder to cry on

Coping skills

Reading
Writing songs
Writing poetry
Listening to music
My little brothers
Writing
My journal
My blog
My YouTube
The Jefferson Patterson. Park

Treatment

Therapist
Meds
Healthy living
Very risky
Very challenging
Relaxation exercises
Running
Walking
Peaceful mind
Emptying my life of crap
Taking time for myself 
Nami
My mom
My friends
P2P class
My family
You have to want it

Mama

You have given your life for us children in every way and you have protected us from everyone and everything. In 1999 you and dad saved 3 children from the foster care system and gave us a loving home. Since then you have saved 5 more children from the foster care system and have given all of them a loving home. We all have given you hell, headaches, migraines, our colds;our bad mouths, our germs, and our nasty moods and you continue to love us. You have the most priceless heart of many and you love with everything you have. You are the mama of many:
*Matt who is a Thomas Moore college of liberal arts graduate of 2012
***Melissa who is a graduate of Blades, a nanny, a very caring sister, a puzzle expert, a amazing singer, a amazing party planner, a amazing listener, a amazing problem solver,a major mama helper
*Zachary who is an employee at one of the best window factories in the USA, one of the first to have a motorcycle in our household
***Rida who is a high school graduate, a poet, song writer, Avon Representative, a amazing singer, a amazing reader, a awesome big sister, a very protective child
***Joe who is a high school graduate who is mentally retarded but an amazing worker, an employee at one of the best window factories in the USA, a very strong man, a game wiz, a Netflix addict, a fan of the TV series: bones, power rangers, Greg's anatomy, and arrow, he is a nerd, very caring, a very hands on worker, a mechanic, a very lucky child
*Caleb is a nerd in every way, is a die heart walking dead fan, is a computer geek/nerd, is a major Japanese bleach nerd who can tell you everything about the series which is idk extremely nerdy, loved to annoy the hell out of us older siblings, a amazing artist
***Pat/Phil twin that have done nothing but put a smile on the faces of many, very different from each other, both love video games, love playing outside, love playing cops and robbers, enjoy their younger brothers and both are very ticklish
***Jere born with the brain bleeding from all the drugs his biological mother was doing he fought threw it and came out of it on top, he is very smart and is ahead in school, he is a math geek, he is a boy with a big heart
***Noah is the newest addition to the family but he is a blessing, he still has a long way to go but he is getting there slowly and that's all that matters, he is one that was sent back to his foster home and waited there until someone wanted to adopt him
***Josh aka as Bubba is a joy to be around and a little cutie pie who's smile lights up the room, a complete miracle and blessing, a little spoiled rotten boy, a very smart boy who was at 2 1/2 functioning as a 4 year old and reading by the age of 4 was reading Green Eggs and Ham and Go Dogs Go, he was literally correcting the boys above in their reading, he was doing math at 5 and still a cuddly boy.
All of us children love and adore you we are thankful for everything that you have done for us over the years. We have grown into amazing people and have learned a lot from both you and dad. My life for starters has been rocky but you have always been there even when I don't want you to be and that means a lot to me. I almost lost my life and both you and dad were there the whole entire time. You have given your life for all of us children and have done nothing but rescue children and love them with everything you have.

Families

I was adopted when I was five and was adopted by a priceless couple who has done everything for me and my siblings. I was blessed with amazing siblings and relatives that have loved me and my siblings like we are their blood. Even though we were adopted we still have an amazing relationship with our biological family who has been there with us the whole entire time. I have been asked by people if I could change something what would it be and I tell them that I wouldn't and couldn't change anything at all. Because it happened this way for a reason and I have excepted it and I have moved on to another chapter with both of my families. We of course have been threw a lot together and have had our ups and downs but that nothing to the priceless love that we share. Everyone is different and everyone has a different unique gift and that is what makes of special and no we are all treated equally. I am very thankful to both sets of parents for everything they have done for me and my siblings. 2 families 1 heart.

Life is to short

In September my girlfriend was rushed by ambulance to the hospital because of her lungs and heart she had 35% heart and 25% of her lungs left after she had a asthma attack which was the third one in one day.She was at the hospital being treated until 3 am when she got discharged. The ones that kept her going were her kids and her parents if it wasn't for them she really wouldn't be where she is today. The next week i went to met her in the hospital lounge and noticed that she was pale again and also without her even telling me that her lungs were acting up and we then walk down the hall to the er and on the way there her lungs wouldn't stop acting up and as we were brought in the back she was having a hard time walking which meant that she was in for another ride that she wasn't going to enjoy. She had me help her walk and she didn't even have to tell me anything because i read her and that's how i knew that my night was going to be a hard one and have and be hold it was a night filled up with pain and hurt. I was going to turn the light off so she could go to sleep and she told me if she went to sleep that she was afraid that she wouldn't wake up and that really frightened me and also made me think about what she told me of her ex. When we were about to get discharged the doctor came in and told her that her heart was enlarged which meant for her that she was going to have to make some changes and  meant to me that if the judge sent her to do time then that meant that all of us were going to be living in hell.


Two days ago on 11/16/14 i was half asleep and had a anxiety attack took some medicine but didn't realize until 30 after that i took all the pills in the bottle and i was barely there and my mom an hour after i took them came home from the movies with my little brothers and came up to my room to find me barely there. my parents kept me talking until the paramedics came and rushed me straight out the to ambulance and straight to the hospital. I was there until early in the morning with my mom, aunt, and older brother Zachary. It is because of my parents and family that i am still breathing and able to celebrate my 21st birthday with amazing people


Life is way to short for all the bullshit that people cant stop bringing around.

Title free

Don't get me wrong but my faith does mean a lot to me but I have been having a lot of problems with my faith because of my sexuality and the fact that I am dating this priceless woman. It is out there that LGBT couples and individuals are not Christians at all and that in a nutshell is complete bullshit and 100% hurtful. I belong to one of the most amazing community out there that is filled up with priceless, unique, and loving people. We were all born a human being we were all equal and we still are but all those retarded titles have blinded us and have made it hard to live with out judging and thinking one is better than the other. Religion is support to bring everyone together as one instead religion has caused a lot of pain to people and has turned people away. When I was born I wasn't born any religion at all I was later baptized in the catholic church by my uncle Fr. Joe Jenkins and I honestly wish I wasn't because of all this bs that has been going on for years. All these people that are gay Christians who have been turned away because of there sexuality which is extremely wrong. Take that title away and everyone will be amazed at how many people come together as one and also as a family.

The Truth

One asked me if I was going to break up with my girl if things got hard and I told this person"there way no way in hell that was going to happen". People are just so heartless and pathetic to even think that at all and  why in the hell would you even ask me a horrible question like that. When I feel in love with her I feel in love with a person who is priceless in every way and a person who does have a past and yes I love her no matter what, her past doesn't bother me at all and her past is just that the past and nothing else. I literally will do everything to protect her and make her happy yes things will get hard but that is nothing to the priceless love that we share. I am completely a person who loves to the fullest and I am in this to the end. Love is forever love doesn't end because thing get hard!!!

My girl valerie asked me one day in september if my girlfriend was the One and I ask her why she would ask me that question and she looked me dead in the eyes and told me " Rita I have been friends with you for a while now and have seen you at you extreme worst and lowest point and I don't want to see you get hurt" and I told her as she continued to look me  dead in the eyes "Val my girlfriend is the One and she is one of the few that cant hurt me at all and that she is one of the few that can tickle the shit out of me even after I drop to the floor without her throat being destroyed " and I proceeded to tell her about my girlfriend after I was done telling her Valerie went from protective to relaxed. Me and Valerie then started planning her wedding which she asked me to be in!!!

In september I was reminded that life is more precious then anything else and everything was worth nothing . I almost lost my beautiful girlfriend twice due to health issues and also that month I with the help of a young man got my friend Tisha to stop the cutting and other things. I was reminded that life was way to short for all the drama and bullshit. That is why I went on my Facebook and did the following:
*Blocked
*Un friended people why did I do that well because of the following:
*Controlling
*Extremely Controlling
*Drama
*Bullshit
*Nosey
*Ass kissers
*No good sobs
*leches
*Ticks
*Toxic
*Poison
*Death
*complainers
*nitpickers
*Acid
*Catholic Drama
*Extreme Catholic Crap
*Anti equality crap
*Boring Catholic crap
*Judgment crap
*The I know everything in the world/ I am God crap
*The I am way better than you crap
*The I am a saint shit
*The I am without sin shit

I have completely been cleaning my life out and I was again asked if that meant leaving my girlfriend and I told this person "my girlfriend isn't going anywhere she is here to stay and I don't give a crap at all about any bodies 2 cents and that I will never want their 2 cents" and continued to tell this person "my girlfriend is going to be here for an extremely long time and that she isn't dating you or anyone else she is dating me" and I finished with telling this person this "You and everyone else are just jealous because we share something that is so priceless and you don't, we share something that you will never share, we have what you don't have, we have what you will never have, we have what is so out of your reach".

My life is finally going uphill and I am finally happy with my girlfriend who resurrected the Rita that was before all the crazy drama and the shit that went down when I was 16. I was much more uplifted before I was 16 and I enjoyed a lot more but that all changed after I turned 16 why because of the following:
*Bulling
*Depression which I kept hidden
*Classified
*My weight problem
*The cutting
*The burning
*The not eating
*The PTSD got worse
*Bipolar 1 Disorder
*My ex boyfriends
There are only a few of these thing from that list that I am still dealing with today :( and honestly I am starting to really except my mental illness to a point. My life will never be the same especially after what I have been living with for the last year but as the saying goes " What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger". My girlfriend is the one to thank for me being able to finally be normal and less oh yeah isolated in my man cave. She literally is just a person that can bring the best out of anyone. She followed in her Navy Seal father's footsteps and served PG county as a member of the fire department she put her own life in danger to save others and made it her #1 priority to make sure that not one stone went unturned while she was serving. She is one that puts others before herself and one that is extremely tough. My girlfriend on a day to day basis had to see soldiers fall, firefighters fall, lifeless bodies cared out of burning buildings; had many people die in the back of the ambulance as they were transported to the hospital, mothers crying over the lose of there children and loved ones, soldiers who have served her country come back with missing legs or arms. She literally numbed herself every single day and performed her duties with no emotion which is normal with anyone in the line of duty. My girlfriend had her radio with her at her house and every time one of her stations were called out to the scene she literally threw on her clothes and drove with lights and sirens plus a police engine to the station in less then 30-35 minutes. She was always ready for that call every second of the day and she was one of the shortest/skinniest and that came in handy every time they did the jaws of life, she was the one that got inside the car and shielded the victim while they cut open the car and that is why she still is one of the many amazing firefighters.

My girlfriend I started out friends and the we just walked right into dating. How? I honestly don't know. We went from good friends that had this priceless bond to us dating and being each others pride and joy. I went and performed at a blue crabs game with my choir and my girlfriend and after we went home well after getting home I had to go change and got ready for a night of surprises. After I got home and changed I get a text from my girlfriend telling me that rob was acting like a asshole well that when I started burning up and getting angry because rob was being an asshole to her for a shitty reason and I wasn't having it. I was able to calm down and go out but rob did get a wake up that night after we went to dinner , and after my girlfriend gave me this look that I knew wasn't well completely nice. Rob and I took a nice little stroll down to the end of the board walk and we stood there talking until I decided to speak my mind after that well he did the unthinkable which ended with me in my girlfriend's and a foot in his crouch which was well deserved. I knew that something happened while I was in her arms but didn't really fully understand until later which then started a whole new chapter in our life that has been filled up with nothing but love and from us being together we both have been able to just become better people. I have dated a couple people but I have never fallen in love with them until now when I started dating my girlfriend in August of this year she literally captured my heart the first day I met her. For me to fall in love with someone they have to have a heart of gold and that's what she has a heart made of priceless gold.

I asked myself if marriage is right for me even though I am catholic and the answer was yes. Being catholic has nothing to do with my sexuality at all and for me to let my faith get in the way of me being happy is horrible and wrong. To me marriage is for everyone and not just for the Christians/catholics marriage is precious and everyone deserves it.

Bellezza mista #2

I had up until this year lived a life that wasn't mine and yes it hurt like crazy. I had to hide my sexuality just to please everyone and I had to stay in the closet because I didn't want to loose my mom. This year I am finally able to live my own life and be myself even though I have lost some friends and family members but threw it all I am completely free to be myself and be with the amazing person that makes me so happy and makes my heart just melt. The amazing person who has done nothing but make me a better person and guards and protects my heart with everything she has. Honestly I have never felt so blessed to have this priceless person in my life. Since I have fully started living my life and being myself I am so amazed how I just feel in love with her even though she was completely straight and honestly we both just walked right into it and we both literally knew that were in for an amazing journey together and our love is priceless and honestly I walked right into it with someone who nothing but perfect. Yes we have been threw a lot together and yes what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

November 2014

More amazing photos

November 2014

These pictures show my ok side